At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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