did you get engaged???
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Randomize
