Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
