How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Terrible idea I love it
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
