Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
