The beer is more important than you right now.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
