i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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