My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
