He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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