Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
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she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
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I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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