alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
