He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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