totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
