u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
