New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
