This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
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Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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