Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
