I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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