I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
