The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i came on her dog
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
