You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize