Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
