His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
