I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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