the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
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This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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