that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
