i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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