i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
