I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
