Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
where are you?
Hypothermia
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
