mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
