Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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