Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
