connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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