There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Do vagina's smell?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
