I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
