I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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