Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
