Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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