Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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