I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
