I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
