I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
