Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
