Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
