whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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