Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
