After last night, I could never be a politician.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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