i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
