so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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