i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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