what if every blade of grass was a penis?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
