it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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