I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
