She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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