You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
