No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!