u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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