Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
