I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
