My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
