the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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