Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
