I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
