he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
