yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
