dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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