3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
