I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
