Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
