the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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