matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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