i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
