I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
