my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
