Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
