the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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