If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
