I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize