Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My cat gives me a boner
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
