so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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