I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
