so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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